The in between.

The in between sounds like a place magical creatures lurk, or maybe where spirits go right after they die but before judgment is passed on them. Either way, it has an ominous feel to it and yet this is how I describe my current life, as living in the in between.

This isn’t the first time I’ve felt like I’ve lived in the in between. I think the most obvious time of the in between was the summer before my freshman year of college. Everything was about anticipation, anticipating to start in a new city, with new people, in an entirely foreign situation. Also the anticipation of the goodbyes, the last time to hang out with high school friends, to last time to see my family for an extended period of time, and so on. That entire summer felt like an absence of time, in rifling through my memories it seems like my most vivid ones are from graduation, and then move in day. That summer is just another void in my brain.

Which damn referring to life as a void sounds like I live a shitty life, which I don’t. I just feel like I’m stuck in the in between, anticipating for something to happen without really knowing what that thing is. It makes it harder I think, than the in between from that summer, at least then I knew what I was waiting for. This time though, I live day in and day out in a predictable routine, working at a job that doesn’t challenge me, and not making any steps towards changing.

Wow this post is depressing me.

I wish I could say I was an achiever and that the thought of being stuck in the in between was enough motivation for me to get out of it but…it’s really not. I think the in between is safe, its predictable and comfortable but it’s also boring. and grey and listless. It’s where I’ve been for the past year through no ones fault but my own and that’s kind of a heavy thing to accept.

But accept it I will because the first step to getting out of the in between is knowing it well enough to navigate it. And let me tell you, I could draw a perfect map of the place.